I'm going to teach you how to become a super-human decision maker, especially in situations of great stress where it's needed the most.
Let's start from the beginning. A wise friend who is not only a scholar, but a philosopher, and scientist once came to me and said "I figured it out."
"That's great. Figured what out?" I asked half jokingly.
"Acceptance. It is the universal answer to everything."
This statement seemed pretty silly. "What is this Acceptance you speak of?" I said half jokingly.
"It is the source of happiness, peace, empathy, everything good; and conversely speaking, anxiety, anger, war, hatred, everything bad." he says.
Not only did I find this claim absolutely ridiculous; I became bit annoyed. I rejected his theory. He calmly said "Let me explain" and gave an example.
You just witnessed a car run a stop sign in front of you. Your internal voice repents: "I CANNOT BELIEVE that just happened!" Following this thought, your default state changes to anxiety and anger: increased heart rate, rising body temperature, sweaty palms, clenched fists, tunnel vision - all focus on that damned stop sign runner. He is long gone but your anger is raging inside you. Finally the car behind you gently honks to remind it's your turn to go. You slam on the gas and send your car hurling into the intersection, nearly hit another car who decided to go out of order. You feel ashamed and embarrassed; you nearly caused a dangerous accident by not paying attention. You were blinded by fear. Temporary insanity.
Let's scientifically deconstruct what just happened. Human beings are visual. Our primary sense is seeing. You definitely just saw the the car run a red light. But your internal voice is making a most irrational claim; it does not believe what sees. Let's say it again. Your mind does not believe what the eyes see.
This is the very definition of a crazy person. Seeing something with your own eyes; yet not believing it.
We can think of our mind as 2 systems that work in conjunction; the sensors that perceive the world (the 5 senses: eyes, ears, etc.) and our conscience (whatever you want to call it) that creates that internal dialogue inside our heads, it forms opinions, generates emotional responses, and ultimately makes decisions. It has bias and is opinionated.
The critical distinction is unlike the conscience, our sensors do not hold any opinions or bias; they present the simple truth about the physical world. They can be trusted. We do not, and cannot argue with them.
And herein lies the problem. Your senses - eyes and ears, are watching this car run a stop sign, you know it's happening because you'er there witnessing it, yet, your mind refuses to believe it.
What the heck? You are experiencing a strong disagreement between your senses and your conscience. A refusal of the physical reality. Anxiety and anger follow, They are mostly useless emotions, and it is our mind's default response to very stressful scenario such as refusing to accept reality.
What if instead of taking the default approach of not believe what you're seeing, you deliberately decided to believe what you'er seeing - that a car driven by a human being ran through a stop sign.'
Your mind's internal dialogue again goes to work. It is a truly a creative genius!
Maybe they were texting and not paying attention; maybe they need to go to the bathroom really bad; perhaps their pregnant wife is about to go into labor in the passenger's seat; a teenager rebelling against society?
You consider these possibilities, and what you should do. You could call the police and report it. But it wasn't dangerous, doesn't seem worth the trouble. You go on with your day.
Note the minor difference in approaching this situation; on one hand refusing to accept realty; vs. choosing to accept reality. The outcome couldn't be more different.
This idea of unconditionally accepting the physical reality around us is the universal truth. It allows us to remaining rational, avoiding temporary insanity. It removes anxiety and anger where it's the most damaging, in situations that require rational, calm thought. From political debates to domestic disputes to business negotiations.
Challenge yourself to find the most ridiculous situation where surely, this theory of acceptance does not work. You will find it works. You will live a happier, less stress free life. Choose better decisions, and make them faster.
But like learning a new language, a new extreme sport or taking on weight lifting, it requires practice, practice, practice and more practice. And you will find yourself failing a lot at first. Keep practicing. Be hard on yourself. Be deliberate. You can give yourself exercises, look up videos of people doing hateful things on youtube and practice acceptance. It will prepare you for the real world in a controlled environment.
The memory aid is very simple. When you catch your internal dialogue reciting the words I cannot believe this deliberately stop it right there, and think I am seeing this for I absolutely do believe in it;
Thank you Aditya Prasad for this life lesson years ago, I practice this every day since.
Let's start from the beginning. A wise friend who is not only a scholar, but a philosopher, and scientist once came to me and said "I figured it out."
"That's great. Figured what out?" I asked half jokingly.
"Acceptance. It is the universal answer to everything."
This statement seemed pretty silly. "What is this Acceptance you speak of?" I said half jokingly.
"It is the source of happiness, peace, empathy, everything good; and conversely speaking, anxiety, anger, war, hatred, everything bad." he says.
Not only did I find this claim absolutely ridiculous; I became bit annoyed. I rejected his theory. He calmly said "Let me explain" and gave an example.
You just witnessed a car run a stop sign in front of you. Your internal voice repents: "I CANNOT BELIEVE that just happened!" Following this thought, your default state changes to anxiety and anger: increased heart rate, rising body temperature, sweaty palms, clenched fists, tunnel vision - all focus on that damned stop sign runner. He is long gone but your anger is raging inside you. Finally the car behind you gently honks to remind it's your turn to go. You slam on the gas and send your car hurling into the intersection, nearly hit another car who decided to go out of order. You feel ashamed and embarrassed; you nearly caused a dangerous accident by not paying attention. You were blinded by fear. Temporary insanity.
Let's scientifically deconstruct what just happened. Human beings are visual. Our primary sense is seeing. You definitely just saw the the car run a red light. But your internal voice is making a most irrational claim; it does not believe what sees. Let's say it again. Your mind does not believe what the eyes see.
This is the very definition of a crazy person. Seeing something with your own eyes; yet not believing it.
We can think of our mind as 2 systems that work in conjunction; the sensors that perceive the world (the 5 senses: eyes, ears, etc.) and our conscience (whatever you want to call it) that creates that internal dialogue inside our heads, it forms opinions, generates emotional responses, and ultimately makes decisions. It has bias and is opinionated.
The critical distinction is unlike the conscience, our sensors do not hold any opinions or bias; they present the simple truth about the physical world. They can be trusted. We do not, and cannot argue with them.
And herein lies the problem. Your senses - eyes and ears, are watching this car run a stop sign, you know it's happening because you'er there witnessing it, yet, your mind refuses to believe it.
What the heck? You are experiencing a strong disagreement between your senses and your conscience. A refusal of the physical reality. Anxiety and anger follow, They are mostly useless emotions, and it is our mind's default response to very stressful scenario such as refusing to accept reality.
What if instead of taking the default approach of not believe what you're seeing, you deliberately decided to believe what you'er seeing - that a car driven by a human being ran through a stop sign.'
Your mind's internal dialogue again goes to work. It is a truly a creative genius!
Maybe they were texting and not paying attention; maybe they need to go to the bathroom really bad; perhaps their pregnant wife is about to go into labor in the passenger's seat; a teenager rebelling against society?
You consider these possibilities, and what you should do. You could call the police and report it. But it wasn't dangerous, doesn't seem worth the trouble. You go on with your day.
Note the minor difference in approaching this situation; on one hand refusing to accept realty; vs. choosing to accept reality. The outcome couldn't be more different.
This idea of unconditionally accepting the physical reality around us is the universal truth. It allows us to remaining rational, avoiding temporary insanity. It removes anxiety and anger where it's the most damaging, in situations that require rational, calm thought. From political debates to domestic disputes to business negotiations.
Challenge yourself to find the most ridiculous situation where surely, this theory of acceptance does not work. You will find it works. You will live a happier, less stress free life. Choose better decisions, and make them faster.
But like learning a new language, a new extreme sport or taking on weight lifting, it requires practice, practice, practice and more practice. And you will find yourself failing a lot at first. Keep practicing. Be hard on yourself. Be deliberate. You can give yourself exercises, look up videos of people doing hateful things on youtube and practice acceptance. It will prepare you for the real world in a controlled environment.
The memory aid is very simple. When you catch your internal dialogue reciting the words I cannot believe this deliberately stop it right there, and think I am seeing this for I absolutely do believe in it;
Thank you Aditya Prasad for this life lesson years ago, I practice this every day since.
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